Falling Down

I fell down yesterday.

It was a genuine fall, too - not a stumble. I went down, and I went down hard.

I parked my car in front of the local hardware to get some painting supplies. The parking lot was empty, so I was walking fast and trying to read the business hours on the front door to see if they were open. Without warning, I was airborne.

As I flew violently forward, survival instinct kicked in, and I turned sideways to minimize the impact and get set up for the tuck and roll. I landed squarely on my left hip, assumed the fetal position for a split second, and carried momentum through the roll. I popped up on one leg almost as quick as I went down, and was back in stride for a few steps until the second wave of momentum hit me like a tidal wave and sent me spiralling out of control. I landed on my right knee and bounced forward before finally coming to rest face down between the front door and the cases of windshield wiper fluid stacked along the wall.

WTF was that? I looked back, eager to see the snow or ice that put me in peril, but there was none to be seen. It was a curb - in all of its glorious open-and-obvious splendor. I stood up and entered the store, and was quickly greeted by a clerk just few steps inside. He HAD to have seen it all happen, but he looked at me and deadpanned "Is there something I can help you find?" I thought to myself, yes - how about my dignity? Or my center of gravity?

He pointed me to the paint section, and I found what I needed. I paid for the merchandise, and he handed me my change and thanked me for my patronage. I thought I was in the clear, but just before I reached the door, he says behind me "be careful". The bastard mocked me, but he did it without laughing or smiling, so he could later argue he was acting professionally and within the capacity of his hardware clerking duties. Well played, sir, but you will rue the day, my friend.

I haven't gone down like that since the winter of '94, when I fell backwards and slid down an icy embankment in front of a Ponderosa, much to the delight of the many patrons who witnessed it through the huge front windows of the restaurant. I don't know what's more embarrassing - the fact that I bit it, or the fact I was at a Ponderosa.

I'm out-
KWass